I have been camping under the stars, and fishing for what seems like forever now, though I know it to be only a week. I wonder if the fish know how good they taste?

The constant ache in my hand has subsided, and I no longer wake in the night to the dreams of the hundreds of thousands of beasts I have slain. It seems a simple task as we accomplish it, to kill the evil lurking in the lands, but I wonder something. As we spill the blood of those that seek to harm us, are we not spreading their evil across the landscape in the form of their blood? When a demon crumples before you, are you really vanquishing evil, or is the Bos just over the hill the next unfortunate victim of that evils taint, as he eats the grass upon which that blood now feeds. How many decomposing corpses lay underfoot as you walk these lands. The grains that make our ale, the bos that makes that Dundee Burger so delicious. All fed from the same source of rotting flesh under the land from our years of struggle. I sickens me even now. I eat the fish, the pure fish of another, untainted land, and I have come to realise that my body is changing somehow. I feel calm, a calm that I have not had since......since long ago.

I think back to the time that I spent, months and months in Fartown contemplating my awakening, eating from the land there, and living off basically nothing. Can it be? That I had been drawn there just before taking this trip? To spend a month away from the hustle and bustle of Dundee, to just reflect? No....I think it is the evil that has fed me for so long. I think that I needed to go there, to replenish that same evil. It is these things that I ponder as I sit near this bubbling stream, catching small fish and culling them. Relishing my triumph as I pull up a large one. Where have my simple times gone to. Why is it, that even here, I feel as though I must train?

My thought for the week:
I hate fish bones.

I rest each day now, sitting in the sunshine instead of the oppressive darkness of my holes about in Valorn. My hand hurts a bit, I think it was so used to clutching at the handle of my Ultimate Weapon as I slashed beast upon beast building my levels ever higher. I think I will practice with a blade a little tommorow and see if I can make the ache go away.

I don't miss all the evil and beasts there. I don't miss the glutteny of people selling things for outrageous prices on the market. Sitting alone with my thoughts has given me the time to ponder on matters such as this. I thought we were all in it for the common good. Not lining our pockets with plat......But enough about that. What I do miss is the people.

Its hard to explain. Some days there, I cannot move for all the messages I recieve. I marvel that I am able to train for a bit..much less gain levels. I would not trade it for anything. I miss my guildmates. I miss answering questions and explaining things. I miss the way they are all silent and listen to my stories of Valorn from before they were there. Being blessed 10 times with Protection spells...seeing Thorin sitting at the Dundee inn...wait a mo...he still does! I miss the light in my friends eyes when they find love. Their jubilation at gaining levels. See people very close to me gain their top prizes. Getting to level 62, obtaining thier UWs, creating new guilds and, once again, I am in awe that they choose to share all of this with me! Just me!

I fancy myself the simple Rogue I started out as. I wonder if people still remember me that way. Quietly slipping about and silently going about my business. I remember becoming a warrior. The messages of encouragment. I remember it all and it warms me. I remember the horror as the Demon Lord took my levels from me. I remember being moved to tears as the Queen and a large crowd just handed me plat and potions, and words of encouragment again. I wonder, if we all get back to the sharing and helping that I have seen, could we finally be strong enough to purge the lands of the plague upon us?

I shall continue to vacation. It feels good to remember these things as I do, without the drive of training, and the thought of what I must do next to nag upon me. You are all in my thoughts, and I would not trade my experiences for anything.

My thought for the week:
If living is instinct, then why don't people truly live, vice just exist?

I am sorry...thats the only words I can think of. I shall return, though when is the question. I just hope that things do not go to badly while I make my travels. And still, all I can think is...I am sorry..I had to. The time was right....I am alone.....

And I am sorry. I will write when I next wake Journal..till then...

**The writing ends with nothing more**

I was direct, and still got no answers that really helped me at all, though they were the answers I expected. I have only just returned from my travels, and already the confusion that I had when I left, has returned ten fold.

Thinking things through has never been something that suits me, however, there is alot of things to consider these days.

I am quite frustrated about this new room. The builders have been waiting on my bird, but there appears to be no push for it. Jade and Carmella have abandoned their want to join the Hammers, returning to the Blessed. I hope they are happier for it, but I wonder why they even bothered to attempt to join? Was there no hope from the start? Confusion....

Skyelark talked to me. Asking if I wanted to walk away from what little there is between us these days, but not directly. And when I asked the question again, she said no? Confusion...

Cel answered my questions again, as usual. But her answers seemed to only spawn more questions, as they usually do. But as for asking those questions, can I do that? Or will the answers just lead to more questions? And what then? Confusion...

Roxie is gone again. Blaming me this time. She did not understand where I was coming from, but it is no bother. She was dead to me. How long was I to suffer the insults and things that she had done to upset more people than I can remember? Joanne seemed well however..I shall have to try and explain it to Trea..though I am not sure I understand myself. Some people just cannot pull it together to see what they are doing. How will you know who they are Journal? Its easy..you tell them something, they persist in thinking its something else. They blame you for their bad decisions, and everyone around is a liar. *chuckles* You will meet more than a few in your time, but one less thank the Gods...

My thought for the week!
The only one to blame for your bad decisions, stares at you in the mirror.